I have a couple of friends who I never hear from except through bulk forwarded email. These emails are sent along to me as well as all of the rest of the poor folks found in the address book. I feel really special when I receive these kinds of letters because I know how important I am to them to be included in their group. It would not be so bad except that most of the stuff is either political or reliegious crap – really sappy stuff that is painful to even hit delete on or its brainless dribble that is supposed to give you a smile.

Here is a recent installment. You be the judge. Is this worth passing along to everyone you know filling their email boxes. Maybe they have nothing else to do. Who knows? If you like it I will pass along your address so that you to can be included in these gifts:

Retirement Choices

You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where…..
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that ‘dry heat’ is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can Live in California where…
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

You can Live in New York City where..
1. You say ‘the city’ and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is ‘nature,’
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You’ve worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can Live in Maine where…
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moo se.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can Live in Texas where..
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. ‘y’all’ is singular and ‘all y’all’ is plural.
3. ‘He needed killin’ ‘ is a valid defense.
5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, MARY BETH, etc.

You can live in Colorado where…
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can live in the Midwest where…
1. You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ on the same day.
4 You end sentences with a preposition: ‘Where’s my coat at?’
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, ‘It was different!’

AND You can live in Florida where..
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind — even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road con struction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.