Every once and a while I have a brain cramp when the weather is just so so. When I do, after scratching my head, I think of our leaders and some of the foibles that we have all heard and I feel better almost immediately. I hope that you feel good too after reading some of these Brain Cramps. Thank you Gina Wald for the good laugh and for passing these along to me. I added the last one.

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama’s Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,”
–Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
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“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”

–Mariah Carey
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“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,”

–Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
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“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,”

–Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,”

–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
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“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,”

–A congressional candidate in Texas.
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“Half this game is ninety percent mental.”

–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”

–Al Gore, Vice President
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“I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.”

–Dan Quayle
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“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?”

–Lee Iacocca
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“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” -

–Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.
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“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.”

–Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
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“Mission Accomplished”

President George Bush
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Yes, I saved the best for last. Unfortunately it is no joke. How can this country ever recover from his bungling?